Bryan has been a delight since he came home. Lack of sleep aside, it’s been fun taking care of him and just looking at him sleep in his crib or in my arms. He smiled for the first time in the hospital the other day. Even though infants at this stage have no cognitive ability to truly smile (it’s just a muscle reflex), it’s still nice to think otherwise.
Brian used to tell me how it’s fascinating to see how the babies see the world for the first time. In a way, we are also seeing the world for the first time through their eyes. I experienced that with Bryan for the first time the day he was born. When I held him, his eyes were wide open. Though he couldn’t see a damn thing (new-borns are practically blind), the way he rolled his eyes was as if he was scanning the room, studying everything that was in it; fascinated.
Lack of sleep can get to people sometimes. They become cranky. But I felt alright waking up every two hours feeding him or changing his diapers. I don’t even feel indifferent; I feel almost happy to do it for him. Is this what parenthood is like? Mysterious joy that just creeps up my spine when I go out of my way to do things for my own child? Damn it feels good. Or… maybe next week I will take these words back. Hah!